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As the world’s most famous Royal family braces itself for the fallout from this week’s release of Harry and Meghan’s six-part Netflix series, we look at why family conflicts tend to rear their heads at Christmas and how to deal with them without losing your dignity.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock recently, you will have heard that the Sussexes’ (aka Harry and Meghan) hotly anticipated documentary is coming to a screen near you this week. While most families do not air their grievances and juicy revelations to millions of TV viewers, the fallout from family conflicts at Christmas time can be explosive and long-lasting.
Here are some tips that you can put into practice this festive season to prevent any simmering resentments from escalating into full-on shouting matches.
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Avoid controversial topics
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Christmas is a time for family but bringing different generations together around the same table can result in some awkward moments. In general, topics that are best avoided include politics, lifestyle choices, old family arguments, someone’s weight, money and religion.
By controlling your own response, you can help keep the proceedings at a civilised level. If you know that Uncle Harold holds questionable views on women in the workplace, try to avoid this topic at the Christmas dinner table. If it comes up, gently steer the conversation in a different direction. This doesn’t mean that you are implicitly agreeing with him, but rather that you are simply not prepared to let bigotry ruin the festive jollities.
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Go easy on the alcohol
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Overindulging is rarely a good idea but for many families, a boozy yule is part of the tradition. It is not unusual to start the day with a glass or two of fizz, followed by wine with the Christmas dinner. By the time the port comes out, heads are fuzzy and lips are loose, both of which can make you say things you never intended to.
Try to alternate your alcoholic drinks with glasses of water and keep an eye on how much you are consuming. It is easy to lose count if your glass is constantly being topped up by well-meaning relatives.
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Take some time out
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If you are starting to feel as if the festive season is something to be endured, rather than enjoyed, it is time to take a break. Expectations are high at this time of year but your mental health is more important than showing your face at Aunt Muriel’s drinks party.
It is perfectly OK to decline an invitation and do something just for you, whether it is a yoga class, a long walk in the woods, a soak in the tub or a coffee with a friend. Looking after your own wellbeing will ensure that you show up as your best self at the family gatherings that you do attend.
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Practice the 6-second rule
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If you find that being reunited with the people you spent your childhood with turns you into a sulky adolescent you are not alone. In fact, holiday regression is a universal concept that is recognised by many therapists. While slipping into our old family dynamics may be inevitable, our responses can still be rooted in our adult selves.
When you feel yourself reacting as a 13-year-old to your mum complaining that you’re not peeling the potatoes the right way, take a deep breath before you respond. Pausing, just for a few seconds, helps you distance yourself from the situation and reduces the chances that you will overreact. Practiced regularly (and not just at Christmas) the 6-second rule can deepen our self-awareness and improve how we recognise and manage our emotions.
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Keep it in perspective
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If all else fails, remember that Christmas comes but once a year. If you are celebrating in a warm home with people who care about you, there is already a lot to be grateful for.
January will roll around soon enough so try and keep a positive attitude, count your blessings and rise above any petty squabbles.
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