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Many people lament the lack of good manners in children today. According to a recent survey, three quarters of Americans believe that manners and behaviour have deteriorated among the younger generations over the last two decades. This fall in behavioural standards is commonly attributed to lax parenting, technology overuse and a waning focus on discipline in schools – or a combination of all three.

However, the fact remains that when children learn good manners from an early age, these quickly become second nature and bring lifelong benefits. Research shows that children who display polite manners and social skills are more successful at school than those who lack these skills. They find it easier to make friends, interact with teachers and other adults, and are better equipped to handle challenges or stressful situations.

It is never too late to start encouraging young people to show kindness, courtesy and respect both at home and in the outside world. Modern life is often busy but taking the time to teach your child good manners will give them the tools to succeed and thrive, both now and in the future. Here are a few tips to get you started.

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1. Say please and thank you

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Using these ‘magic words’ is the first rule of etiquette a child should learn. Saying please and thank you shows basic respect and courtesy to everyone around you.

You can model this polite language in everyday situations. For example, if you are at a restaurant instead of saying ‘I’ll have the chicken’, use the phrase ‘Please may I have the chicken’. Children are like sponges and as parents we help shape their behaviour by setting a good example.

It is also important to teach children to write thank you notes for birthday and Christmas gifts and after staying at someone’s house. Not only will the cards be appreciated by the recipients, the act of writing them will also have a positive effect on your child’s mindset. Expressing gratitude is associated with many mental and physical health benefits such as better coping skills, optimism about the future and an enhanced ability to handle stress.

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2. Do not interrupt

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The Victorian days of children being seen but not heard may be long gone but that doesn’t mean that parents should indulge their child’s every impulse.

Allowing children to interrupt when you are in mid-conversation, whether in person on the telephone, teaches them self-focus and self-elevation. Instead, explain to your child that they need to wait for a pause in the conversation before speaking.

You can use positive reinforcement by praising your child when they practice good manners and refrain from interrupting. It is also important to help children to differentiate between urgent needs, such as a friend or sibling being hurt and non-urgent requests, such as wanting a snack.

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3. Encourage good conversation skills 

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Learning how to talk politely to adults is a great gift for a child – for instance, greeting the parent when arriving for a play date with a friend and thanking them for the invite as they leave. A great lesson to teach your child is to understand that, if someone asks how they are, they should reply and then ask the same question back. It is also good for children to greet people by name and make eye contact while they speak.

The easiest way to teach your child how to carry on a conversation is by practicing daily. Do not allow your child to use technology at the dinner table. Mealtimes are the perfect opportunity to encourage them to ask questions, listen to the answers and talk about their own day.

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4. Good table manners

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As soon as your children are old enough, show them how to hold their utensils properly. They should also learn to wait until everyone has been served before starting to eat and to ask for an item to be passed to them rather than reaching across the table.

Elbows should be kept off the table, mouths closed when chewing and a child who has finished their meal should ask to be excused. While we cannot expect that children will like all food types, they should at least take a bite and then apologise and perhaps say it’s “not my favourite”… not that it was “disgusting. Offers to help to set the table or clear up should also be encouraged, both at home and when eating with friends or relatives.

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Above all when parenting, we should remember that good manners will always be in fashion and will help your child stand out and be noticed for all the right reasons

Click here to find out more about the etiquette courses we offer for children.

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